I've decided to temporarily close this down..
maybe permanently i dunno

i'll make my last post here a happy one.

Okay back to business
Omg late for 1st lecture not a good start for the day
nevermind since lectures are the most slack lessons ever so tuesdays are actually good
bahh

OHYA OHYA...some stupid indian man came and talk to me whilst i was waiting for the arrival of my train yesterday...gross.
i think he was blind or something ..LIKE HELLO!!! he talked to me on my right when my ear-piece was plugged in on my right ear and i was playing psp...
and i am highly confident that my face showed that i was not the least bit intersted or happy to continue the conversation..blind

1st lecture ending soon =) haha time for lunch!!! food food food here i come!!!

hahaha today was fun at work man..

anyways after today it got me thinking.
everyone has to learn to accept others for who they are.
because i expect that out of others too.

anyway.expect the unexpected.

never say never

BACK from 2 late nights at fiza's place..

if only i could stay over..cos i know i need a break soon,
i know my limit is drawing nearer.

"sustainability = 6 syllabus" bahahahahhaa

oh god, what is with women hitting the big FIVE..
bcos the "queen" at home is driving me mad dammit

assignments are driving me crazy.
on a wed morning which was like 6 hours ago i travelled to chinese gardens..
so unbelievable.. but lucky we managed to rush everything out.
the filming was all super duper rush.

to add on a lighter note..we're glad you are better than u were. =)

i wanna go l4d but i have work..gosh how life is just unfair

well just came back.
it pained us all terribly so much so we walked away when we were all on the verge of breaking.
but keeping in mind to stay strong was what made us turn to walk away.
you look awfully tired
physically and mentally drained.
this worries us badly like a stone weighing us down, knowing that if this keeps up you may collapse
but knowing that this is your journey to send her off i'm pretty sure you'll stay strong
at least seeing you helped us get a load off our mind
cos i doubt anyone wanted to bother you at the begining.

my dear friend, our deepest condolences for your lost.
but we'll still remain as pillars that you can turn to anytime when you need support.

more hectic-ness tomorrow

i hope and pray that there will be a pot of gold at the end of this tormenting hurricane...

 

it pains US to see YOU like that.
the tears you shed pains us even more.
you may not explain..and may even shrug us off.
but please know that i'm all ears just like how you were for me.

不管有多苦
坚持到底

 

when all u have is time to think
sit in the open, breathe fresh air, listen to music with the sun shining and wind blowing gently.
with a drink and a book to spend time on away from the hustle.
it really slows down the pace.
it was weird but pleasant to not be rushing,
to not have to wake up with a mind full of problems.
to not have to think of the 101 things that have been happening of late.
to have time to think for myself
to have time to breathe like i haven't catched a breath at all this year.

but when its over, suddenly i wish it wasn't.
i missed my loved ones.
but why does it feel like coming back wasn't at all what i wanted now.
a dilema they say..
at the back of my mind is playing repeatedly that
i cannot bear another day that my friends/loved ones get hurt because of me.

sometimes u just feel unimportant.
although that may not be true.
just a sense that u are cared for yet not cared for.
like longing to be noticed but left abandoned.
somewhat the way i've been of late.

the sleepless nights tossing in bed
feels like insomnia
yet i know it may not be the case.

i'm slowly slipping away

well 4 days in bintan was a good idea.

i had time to relax, enjoy an did alot of self-reflection.

i realised that over time i have become attached to things and ppl

which i failed to notice..things and ppl that i cannot live without.

they sort of have become part of me that whatever they feel i feel for them too.

when they smile i smile, they cry i cry, they laugh i laugh, they are troubled i sense it too.

thats just how life is isn't it..

life just will twist and turn you around in all directions.

something may seem so blissful but yet have a painful truth behind it or a painful truth yet to happen.

how you can just lose someone or something in a blink of an eye.

how it hurts to let go or give up on something or someone to save them or protect them

how to accept a sudden change which is to painful to accept.

i've been thorugh all and i guess i came out stronger or at least i hope.

now i can see and treasure what and who i have.

i can't foresee what will happen in time to come, it may be good it may be bad,

i may lose i may gain..i don't know who knows?

but i will treasure each and everyone and thing that i believe in.

i thought through and concluded that i have start to learn to trust others.

for now at least for now, i don't want to think of the horrible and endless possibilities

to every situation..sometimes somethings are better left unsaid..

i may have a hunch on the truth, i may know the truth, but i'll turn a blind eye.

because i don't know how i'll handle the truth.

i believe there are ppl out there who are out to use me, ridicule me

i believe there are ppl who claim to be my friend but yet are something else.

but for now, i will not take notice.. i will continue treating these ppl with sincerity

hoping not to get hurt by them whether or not these ppl exist in my life now.

thats what this trip has brought to me with night after night of thought..

all i can do is hope and pray that whatever and whoever i have and treasure feels the same..

came up with this.
stumbled and realised how many tons of photos involved the both of you
so many that i had to select the real memoriable ones of which i remember when we took them.

Thinking about the following week,
17th of june is not gonna be the same w/o you.
we planned this together one night while working,
got us so high just planning we even planned for the weekend when my parents were out of town.
where have these plans gone?

Thinking plus the endless flow of tears just got me thinking about alot of stuff
about how we talked about how this clique was special and how we would always come back after any difficulty to know that everyone would still be there for one another. I still feel the exact same way. do you?
The foo-ers are ppl i can't imagine life without. particularly u both cos we somehow clicked.
I don't expect you to emphatise with us..
just know that we didn't mean to hurt u.
it wasn't easy to keep this from anyone esp you.

after today, i  don't know if u still see me as your true buddy/ friend/ boyfriend.
but i will always feel the same way i have since the begining a friend i cannot lose, a friend i hold high regard for.

i will miss the times and plans that are now just crushed